Had a good ugly cry with my kid last week…
The stress of the last month has led me to be real snippy, grumpy, depressed, and short-fused at home. It came to a breaking point last week where I was frustrated with one of my kids about their behavior, and lost my temper at them, yelling at them and making them upset to the point of tears. When I realized I had crossed a line back into a part of Ben that is in the process of being thoroughly crucified, I quickly retracted my temper and began to apologize.
And then, a few hours later, plagued by my critical spirit, questioning God as to why things are always so hard at Streetlight, why it’s hard to keep people in our ministry, why our context is so tough, why resources are hard to come by, why too many Christians don’t give a rip about the streets of Kenmore, why people leave the faith and leave the Church altogether, and all the while questioning how my own sins and shortcomings play into our struggles as a Church community, I felt led to turn on Spotify and play a beautiful gospel song on repeat, Kevin LeVar and One Sound’s “What a Love” Tears began to rush down my face as I ugly cried, listening to the song, continuing to weep, and pour out all my troubles at the feet of Jesus. My friend Patrick Davis who is also an urban pastor at @thefringehamilton says that crying is like a “shower for the soul”. He’s right. After this big ol’ ugly cry I felt healed, I felt cleansed. I went down to my daughter who I had lost my temper at and made cry. Even though she was in the wrong, I had overreacted and hurt her feelings. I laid on her little shoulder and continued to ugly cry, asking for her forgiveness, and confessing how broken I had felt lately, and how much I was struggling. She wrapped her arms around me in loving forgiveness and restored our closeness as a Father and Daughter again.
